Taking a break after my last serious game, I decided to try one of DaJ's novelty races, an Umber Hulk. Hulks cause earthquakes and confuse with nearly every hit, they aggravate constantly, and can tunnel at will. DaJ describes the Umber Hulk as a 'novelty' race and it appears to have a few bugs, but hasn't crashed or had a major failure yet. Although this particular Hulk has a decent INT, I going portray him as a moron just because of his title (and because it's more fun for me). This is my first experience with an Umber Hulk.
CHAPTER 1 - Mistaken for a Dumb Ogre
Me quickly see that all things I hit make earthquakes. Me can go through walls like they not even there. Onion can't wait to find vault that Onion's Mom tell him about. All the time earthquakes now getting Onion mad. Onion like Pepsi, but Onion spill most of it on face. Onion go through rock no problem, but Onion have harder time with door. No matter, Onion go around. Onion kill little green man and then get stronger. Onion drink other bottles, but they no taste good like Pepsi. They make Onion feel different. Now Onion wish it be easier to tunnel. Wish that Onion not have to press 'T' so often. Wish that just bumping in to wall make it fall down.
Onion finally figure out that digging in crooked lines work better when me is lost. Onion confused, some animals (snake) go through locked door without opening it. Wait, me no can be confused. Me kill little green man again and get stronger again. Me put on fancy red robe I find on ground. Onion finally find stairs but they take me back to town. Me thinks Onion know what me needs now. Onion gets lots of scrolls that finds things and stuff. Me go back down the stairs. Me trip and fall. Onion run away from some mouses but than there are lots of them so Onion kill them all. Onion good at killing lots of things.
Onion also kill mean doggie. Onion find lots of shiny things in the rock. Things easy to find now with scrolls from store. Me find stairs and fall down again. Oinion get mad when earthquakes and rocks fall and breaks stuff he likes to have. Onion find more stairs and goes down some more. Onion kill a green man and gets even stronger. Me figure out what paper tells me what stuff is. Onion kills lots of stuff, then Onion get strange message. It says "You have slain the <player> (offscreen)." Onion think it bug, but not able to eat it like other bugs. Onion find stick that magic projectiles come out of. Me use big word.
Me kill man in grey robes and get level five. What level five is? Onion go down stairs. Onion read pieces of paper, well me look at pictures on paper and next thing Onion know, Onion back in town. Onion no like. Killing things not fun in town. Onion have lots of gold but nothing good to buy in store, so me buy lots of little bottles for heroism. Now Onion hero like Onion's brother Lemon. Onion find shield, now Onion super hero. Me kill lots of goblins and nasty green snake and then feel better at doing stuff. Poison sucks. Onion kill little fairy and get better at doing stuff more. Onion find and smash forever a water that make me sleep. Onion look all over for stairs but can't see any. Onion look again and still no find. Onion look really hard and Onions eyes begin to bleed but still no find stairs, then Onion's light goes out. Stupid light. It work good for long time but now dark. Maybe it night time.
CHAPTER 1 - Mistaken for a Dumb Ogre
Me quickly see that all things I hit make earthquakes. Me can go through walls like they not even there. Onion can't wait to find vault that Onion's Mom tell him about. All the time earthquakes now getting Onion mad. Onion like Pepsi, but Onion spill most of it on face. Onion go through rock no problem, but Onion have harder time with door. No matter, Onion go around. Onion kill little green man and then get stronger. Onion drink other bottles, but they no taste good like Pepsi. They make Onion feel different. Now Onion wish it be easier to tunnel. Wish that Onion not have to press 'T' so often. Wish that just bumping in to wall make it fall down.
Onion finally figure out that digging in crooked lines work better when me is lost. Onion confused, some animals (snake) go through locked door without opening it. Wait, me no can be confused. Me kill little green man again and get stronger again. Me put on fancy red robe I find on ground. Onion finally find stairs but they take me back to town. Me thinks Onion know what me needs now. Onion gets lots of scrolls that finds things and stuff. Me go back down the stairs. Me trip and fall. Onion run away from some mouses but than there are lots of them so Onion kill them all. Onion good at killing lots of things.
Onion also kill mean doggie. Onion find lots of shiny things in the rock. Things easy to find now with scrolls from store. Me find stairs and fall down again. Oinion get mad when earthquakes and rocks fall and breaks stuff he likes to have. Onion find more stairs and goes down some more. Onion kill a green man and gets even stronger. Me figure out what paper tells me what stuff is. Onion kills lots of stuff, then Onion get strange message. It says "You have slain the <player> (offscreen)." Onion think it bug, but not able to eat it like other bugs. Onion find stick that magic projectiles come out of. Me use big word.
Me kill man in grey robes and get level five. What level five is? Onion go down stairs. Onion read pieces of paper, well me look at pictures on paper and next thing Onion know, Onion back in town. Onion no like. Killing things not fun in town. Onion have lots of gold but nothing good to buy in store, so me buy lots of little bottles for heroism. Now Onion hero like Onion's brother Lemon. Onion find shield, now Onion super hero. Me kill lots of goblins and nasty green snake and then feel better at doing stuff. Poison sucks. Onion kill little fairy and get better at doing stuff more. Onion find and smash forever a water that make me sleep. Onion look all over for stairs but can't see any. Onion look again and still no find. Onion look really hard and Onions eyes begin to bleed but still no find stairs, then Onion's light goes out. Stupid light. It work good for long time but now dark. Maybe it night time.
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